This is definitely one for anybody who has ever lived in a communal environment. In fact anybody who has had to live with anybody besides themselves. The silent domestic comes in many forms, depending on the issue, depending on the people. They happen between couples, but perhaps they shouldn't?, they happen between friends and family and they happen between the relative strangers who happen to share any kind of space with one another.
The silent domestic is the fight you have through the little actions. It is the label staking claim on the milk in the fridge even when you live with only one or two other people. It is the refolding of the hand towel so it suits you or the rearranging on the living room so YOUR chair can actually see the tv for once.
These fights are everywhere. However it is perhaps when attempting to live communally, be it colleges or share houses, that they are at their worst. At home with family before you move on and move out these kinds of things aren't necessary. Either everybody does it the same way, after all that is where most habits come from. Or you talk/shout about it until you come to solution. People don't need to be territorial at home.
I mention that couples probably do it and shouldn't. Well really if you are getting serious enough to be living together (and I have good old-fashioned morals so read married) you need to be communicating. There are sure to be any number of niggle-y things, especially initially, but you should know each well enough before even getting to that position to know how to handle it with the other person. To me the best silent domestic in couples is the old faithful... 'which way should the toilet seat be left?'...
Here the experiences I'm speaking about are, if you haven't picked up on it, the college experiences. Well not specifically university, in fact some of my most memorable silent domestics come from my job before uni, forced to share a bunk bed type accommodation while on the job for several days at a time. Noteable me and my... roommate... didn't get along all that well... particularly by the end of it.
This is the situation I talk about. When you are living with people, not of your own choosing but because you just have to. Maybe its you've joined a share house with a friend and realised that their other friends... aren't really your sort of people. That kind of thing. The little things that they do that piss you off - in some cases into a silent rage - and yet all you do is intentionally do it back the other way, your way.
I live in a hall way type arrangement with 3 other girls. We each have a bedroom of our own but share a bathroom, toilet and laundry. Some of the most significant silent fights we've had here involve the common areas. Though I'm not going to deny one of the most popular 'silent' domestics about musical taste... Nobody really talks to anybody else but you all put your music on loud enough to drown out the 'dreadful' strains of the other persons.
We have some quirky silent domestics amongst ourselves here in the hallway. In charge of our own cleaning they include how we go about cleaning the bathroom or the toilet or even when we do the cleaning. I like to get up and get ready before I give the bathroom sink a wipe down (as is my job at the moment), one of the others prefers that to be done first. So she does it... Cool you may think, what is the problem with that? The body language if you ever saw her doing it would explain that. I have the disadvantage of not only living with these 3 girls but working with them too... If we aren't on good ground... work becomes hellish.
But my favourite silent domestic, the one that is my basis for all silent domestics, is the one we have about the washing detergent. Now we don't have any structured plan about who has to buy the washing detergent. We all know that we are good about somebody getting some in good time so we never run out. All good... never have we run out of washing detergent or fabric softener. In fact, when we start to run out we generally end up with MORE than we could ever need.
That is where the domestic comes in. This particular fight is 3 against 1. How is this a fight at all? Well the 3 like one kind of detergent and the 1 likes a completely different one. You may think the 1 would just concede, I mean after all it is just detergent, or not. It is the single longest running silent domestic in our hallway. Whose type of detergent is there first at resup time.
I am one of the 3. We occasionally all manage to buy together, and end up with a ridiculous amount of our choice. Unfortunately the 1 has managed to trump us all this time around... with 5kg of her choice! That is a long time in clothes washing.
It wasn't really until this moment that I even noticed that it WAS a fight. That it was a we HATE your detergent and I HATE yours all out brawl using only our wallets and our bought preferences. The ultimate in what I'm calling silent domestics. No words are ever spoken, nobody ever actively complains - it is only detergent - but each of us wants it to be OUR choice that we are using...
Silent domestics will always be there... Frustrating as hell to live with but funny as hell to think about as a discerning adult apart from it all...
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