This or That: Ball on Friday

So what is best way for an engineering student to procrastinate on a Thursday night? Probably the better question is what is the best way for an engineering student to work productively on a Thursday night. I won't try to answer that though - three years of my degree has taught me... that probably isn't possible. So instead I'll just let you in on my nightly activities for procrastination.

Tomorrow I'm going to a ball. Perhaps that is not as cool as the word inevitably suggests but it is reasonably cool nonetheless. I'm torn about whether I am actually looking forward to it or not... My closest friends aren't there and my social threshold on a Friday night is variable and often low (all this procrastination takes up a whole lot of time you know and I end up at the end of the week feeling rather worse for wear).

However the one thing I always enjoy about dressing up is it gives me a reason to put on make-up - despite my addiction to the stuff I don't wear a lot often. I wear day make-up on the weeks and the occasional outlandish eye while hanging out in my room but I don't get an opportunity to try things and have people see it often. Which gives me the opportunity to practice today for looks I might do tomorrow - forgive my eyebrows I intend to take care of them a bit better tomorrow.

The big question is - left or right? Though I know its not a question I'm likely to get an answer from while on here.

The right. Now this is the more subtle look... Very much my standard eye routine with different shadows. It is a little darker in person (the shadow in across my cheek prevents some of the contrast I think).

The left. Now I'm still very much new to any sort of adventurous make-up. In particular the smokey eye - yes i've lived under a rock. So this is me trying to do it - with of course purple. You can't quite tell that the eye-lid in the first photo is is a dusky maroon colour but the purple in the second one does much better. 

Because you can't go beyond the plain dead face look to compare them head to head.

 And when it comes down to it... which would look better in photos? Well damned if you can't tell a huge difference because in the end when I smile my eyes crease up completely anyway... Can tell I prefer the foundation that's on the left side of my face when compared with the one on the right side of my face... I did mention I'd half and halfed my foundation to test for colour right?

I like the darker one because it is very different from me but I'm not really sure if I could pull it off... And if I can guarantee myself I wouldn't stuff it up on the night when I've gotten myself into a tizzy and am completely behind schedule getting ready. On the topic of getting ready - I should probably go iron my dress because I forgot to put it into the dry cleaners because I didn't realise this ball was this week until Tuesday... This could all go horribly wrong - wish me luck!

Where to begin?

It's an interesting thought really - how do you start doing something new or different? I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who struggles with the whole concept of change. Admittedly I probably struggle with it to a greater degree than some but that's tales I'll save for my psych. If change was easy there wouldn't be such a huge business in self-improvement, motivational, business management... hell, everything in its essence comes down to change and people trying to control it.

Wow, I've managed to make that sounds so much more deep and meaningful than my actual topic. That must be the same writing technique I utilised on my written assignment in my Management elective the other day. My apologies. What I am actually talking about today is superficial. How to go from not wearing make-up to wearing make-up, and for that matter all the other kinds of minor superficial change you attempt to undergo in your life while being aware that everybody and their dog are free to notice.

I'm afraid of this? I mean hell you can't see anything...

To many people the answer to the question would probably simply be. Just do it. Hehe, I feel rather like a Nike ad Just Do It. I suppose that summaries my problem. Short sharp statements like that brush aside the fact that things are really hard - at the very least there is some kind of effort involved. Pros, cons, fears, judgement... contemplating all that can be soo hard.

Make-up is not the only area of my life I have this problem, I'm much more screwed up than that. I actually struggle with motivating myself to exercise simply because I struggle to change in front of the people I work with. The fear of failure is quite paralytic in those instances.

In my workplace there is a lot of stigma that goes with being a make-up wearer. Of course its not necessary completely bad, unless you're the oompa loompa (think orange). However make-up brings with it the expectation of a particular type of girl. Interestingly I don't think I come across as that kind of girl. I read romance, I cry in Disney movies, I can't handle horror, I accumulate make-up and nail polish YET I rarely come across as a girly girl. I'm actually not sure how I come across. You there, you're not allowed to answer that question you've seen much of my girliest thoughts in weeks.

I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet and wear some. On a day when i don't have major physical activity (like today) though.

Gettin' to Know Me

I'm not inclined to be (perhaps to my own detriment) to be particularly disinclined to share entirely too much information. If you aren't a fan of such things feel free to stop reading. However I got this idea from Unleash The Beauty. If you want to know a bit too much about some random you've never met feel free to keep reading - I don't mind.

Vital Statistics:
Me: Bronwyn

Nicknames: Bron (always without invitation), Bronnie/Brony, Daisy

Birthday: November 28, 1990 

Place of Birth: Australia 

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius - though you knew this I've just told you my birthday 

Male or Female: Female

Occupation: Government Employee-To-Be / Undergraduate Engineering Student

Residence: Australia

Appearance:

Hair Colour: My natural mid-brown - with too strong a goldy base to misinterpreted as 'mouse brown'

Hair Length: Mid-Long

Eye colour: Brown

Best Feature: 

Height: 178cm

Braces?: nope - and I have slightly misplaced canine to show for it...

Glasses?: At one time - I'm not sure quite why though at times when I notice I squint more than other people I think I understand despite that though I have above average vision.

Piercing: Have had :Belly Button, hip surface piercings. Currently have ears (3 in each lobe), tragus, monroe, septum, 2 tragus dermals, 2 neck dermals, 2 stomach dermals and one other :)

Tattoos: Bats on my left shoulder, stars on my right foot.

Righty or Lefty: Righty

Your 'Firsts':

First best friend: Craig? in the pre-school we visited at his Nanna's at the same time kind of way... or probably Estelle

First Award: I've got no idea... probably for successfully completing homework readings or spelling tests or something dull like that..

First Sport You Joined: Swimming 

First Real Vacation: My family went for a week on the Sunshine Coast (QLD) every December for many years.

First Concert: ... The Seekers... how many 20 year olds can say that huh?

First Love: Wait out.

Favourites:

Movie: Music & Lyrics/Bride & Prejudice/Over Her Dead Body - You get the idea

TV Show: atm? none

Colours: Purple and lime green <- weirdly I didn't change this from the previous person...

Song: Dreamland Express - John Denver and King of Anything - Sara Bareilles

Candy: Anythinggggg. I love candy :) 

Restaurant: usually places where other people can get steak but I can have not steak (to clarify I'm not a vego simply not a steak fan)

Store: Officeworks and Priceline - both are incredibly dangerous for my wallet

Book: Romance - cheap/second hand is my speciality...

Magazine: the most recent one in the pile (think waiting rooms)

Shoes: my Kmart $8 coral canvas shoes... I repurchased them 4 times... I'm fearful of when my current ones wear out they don't sell them anymore :(

Currently:

Feeling: Like I really REALLY don't want to do this stupid lab report

Single or Taken: Single but emotionally taken?

Eating: Oreos

Listening To: ^ King of Anything (after having to look up the spelling of her last name i couldn't resist)

Thinking About: my relationship status - thank you for bring it up :S

Wanting: to care more about doing my studies

Watching: trying to decide on a movie right now

Wearing: my skinny jeans and an old bowling shirt

Future:

Want Children?: Yes 2-4.

Want to be Married: Before I'm 30.

Careers in Mind: electrical engineer (the kind that doesn't have to design analogue electrical circuits though yuck)

Where do you want to live?: In the same location as my husband would be ideal :P... someplace warm but not hot - so not Canberra but not North QLD.

Do You Believe In:

God: Yes - bible bearing (but not bashing) Christian

Miracles: Yes

Love At First sight: In some instances - but it most certainly grows from that point.

Ghosts: no.

Aliens: Who am I to know? Not any of the ones people make a fuss over in conspiracy theories though

Soul Mates: Yes

Heaven: Yes

Hell: Yes

Kissing on The First Date: Situation dependent

Yourself: you'd think so wouldn't you?

Overdosed again

Isn't it funny how you often find you can't resist some habits even though they invariably lead to pain, heartache, and general feelings of dissatisfaction? I mean I've commented on my addiction nature before now. This is more the unfortunate side of having that personality. Well that and naturally being attracted by a specific genre regardless of medium.

I am addicted to romance. Unfortunately that brings to people's minds so many connotations of hopeless romantic and completely unable to differentiate reality from fiction and all those other 'stupid female' concepts. Even more unfortunately is that at times like this, when I reach the point of overdose, I'm pretty much proving many of those preconceived notions. I hate that because I don't as course of habit presume life will happen anything like it does in the books - I'm not sure I'd want it too - anybody who likes romance novels are necessarily the way to go with you life hasn't read enough of them. At the same time when I'm lonely I wouldn't mind some of the attention some of the characters in the books draw.



Now I'm normally a very good romance reader/listener/watcher even writer at times. I get swept along with all the feel good moments and laugh/cringe at the use of cliché. I am a huge person for the romantic cliché. I know so many people who think I'm silly for liking romance because of the clichés. In actual fact I think they are some of the best bits. Of course she is his secretary who knows everything about his life and yet he sees her completely asexually until the company Christmas party. Of course she is remarkably outspoken, clumsy and an uncommon beauty. I don't mind this - I love knowing the story progression by heart so that I can be completely swept up by the details.

So why am I suddenly not amused? Unfortunately it happens when my own love life is failing hopelessly. Yes I do begin to find myself wishing for the story, the fairytale. That doesn't make me like the genre though it makes me hate it and find it depressing. I really don't like it when my brain suddenly decides the romance stories are real. I feel it start telling me that everybody has that except me. Damn it but can I see that when I look around as well. So many of my friends are in relationships. Certainly every guy I've ever had a crush on is currently in a relationship (well except for the current one).

More than anything I hate having to USE the word crush. I feel like a 13 year old kid not a 20 year old who has been out of home for 4 years and seen 3 friends married and many more engaged. Yet what else do you call liking a guy who doesn't see you that way? I feel like all those secretaries in the M&B Sexy novels, only in the words of 'He's Just Not That Into You', I am the rule not the exception.

So at the moment I feel like a have an emotional hangover at the end of any chickflick I watch or book I feel. Even my music occasionally makes feel that way - country music has a large romance component to it (how else would you get such cliché song titles as 'Sleeping single in a double bed'). Everything is reminding me of the fact that I don't know how to have a real life relationship. The only romance I've ever known was found between the covers of a book.

How do you tell a friend you would be interested in being more than friends? Particularly when you are reasonably sure they could never see you that way. Hell, I've had the conversation in the past and completely destroyed my friendships. It has stopped being worth it. I don't have enough friends to risk friendships for relationships where the odds aren't good. As he has said quite directly (we were discussing beating around the bush vs direct approachs and this has been hopelessly removed from its surrounding statements to make it seem so much harsher) 'if I liked you you'd know'. It wasn't said to mean 'back off' but damn if I can't extrapolate. Friend zone it is.

I don't mind the friend zone - it doesn't effect my feelings towards a person at all. Certainly it means they talk to me and interact with me. Its only when we aren't together that it becomes a problem. Knowing I have no claim when I sure as hell would like one and knowing they have a claim they'll never want to stake over my emotions. Mostly though it is simply the thought that I will lose out in the end. Being in the friend zone means you will lose out when they do get into a relationship. I live waiting for that moment - it undeniably comes along every time.

My favourite times in life are when I'm not interested in any particular guy. I can read romance to my hearts content without these terrible feelings. I'm rarely if ever lonely. I don't find myself wasting hours on nothingness. Unfortunately going from where I am now to back to being not interested in a guy would be unbearably painful. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard-place emotionally. What I hate the most is that it makes me sound like such a superficial, self-absorbed girl. I want there to be more to me... but I just don't know where to find that (dear heaven not in my studies).

Saturday Night At Home

I am just going to outright apologise to anybody who stumbles across my blog. This is pretty much a journal of things I wouldn't put in my journal. Currently that seems to be make-up. If you look at some of my older posts you'll find everything from Plinky posts (I still do those from time to time but Blogger doesn't like Plinky anymore so they don't show up here) to critical analysis of movies.

Why did I say all that? Mostly because the one thing I suck at more than anything is starting. The number of hours I spend contemplating the first few sentences of an essay is incredible (notably I am not Arts student, I do engineering instead).

So getting to the point. My day today was supposed to consist of study, assignments and generally getting my academic life in order. Clearly that is going to have to wait for another day. Instead I blog surfed through the make-up communities... As if I haven't done too much of that already in the last few days.  It is amazing how many hours you can spend doing that.

I couldn't actually do my make-up during that time though because I was headed to gymnastics (I'm no gymnast but flipping into the pit - and then having to climb back out again - repeatedly is good fun for something a little different). I've only done it a handful of times in the last 3 months and it would appear no more because our class ceases to exist from today :(. 

However I couldn't leave without going out with a bang. I managed to ram my knee into my own nose. I am rather hoping it isn't broken but it certainly just a little bit swollen. How does a person ram their own knee into their nose? An attempt at the vault (I told you I was no gymnast) where I was to use my hands to avoid having any contact with the vault with my legs. Well after a few tries I actually managed to get over the vault without my legs stopping me. But only just. Pretty much I got over the vault and tipped head first into the pit. My legs following behind and catching up to my face which had been stopped by the foam with enough force to give my nose a direct and rather brutal hit.

After gym I decided to pretty myself up for dinner and a movie. Dinner being myself alone at the mess hall and the movie being Enchanted since it was on Channel 7 tonight and I needed to watch some ads for a uni assignment. What a thrilling life I lead. See if you can tell that my nose is swollen =P.

This photo seems to pick up on the really goldy colour of my lids that none of the other photos I took did... 

Who is this person? Apart from the fact that my camera (which runs its own routine) has made me look like its summer not the middle of winter. I have to say that looks nothing like me (in a completely good way =] ).

Finally this one as you can probably tell has been auto-corrected unlike the others. However it probably does the best job of actually showing what my eye-make-up really looks like.

I love Bloggable Chain-Mail: ABC Me

Ok I've been epic blog stalking the beauty blogosphere on my days off this week and I came across a series of tag posts. This one reminded me a lot of those chain emails I was addicted to as a teen - I am definitely of the modern generation I love to share information about myself in these formats. It seemed to be a self-tagging one so I figured count me in (I don't have the blog friends to be being tagged or tagging others). [Please note that as a teen I only sent them to two friends NEVER my whole friends list or anything.] 

Anyway here's an alphabet listing of things you probably didn't need to know about me.

A. Age:  20

B. Bed size:  A king single - I just count myself lucky its not single.

C. Chore you hate:  I really, really dislike the dishes - seriously I'd clean 10 toilets to not have to wash a small stack of bowls after people have eaten porridge (notably I also don't eat porridge).

D. Day:  Saturday because it is as close as I get to having a free day.

E. Essential start to your day:  Breakfast. I'm not one of those people who skip it or have to work themselves up to it. I start the day with breakfast.

F. Favourite colour:  Purple and let me say I'm dedicated to it.

G. Gold or silver:  I wear both - but then again I only wear a gold & silver banded watch and silver (cheap) studs 99% of the time.

H. Height:  178cm (5'10") - My mum started telling me at 6 or 7 that she hoped I'd be 5'10" because she thought it was a good height. Always glad to be a good daughter.

I. Instruments:  My musical talent is decidedly limited however I have an appreciation that comes with doing both Piano and Flute. 15 years and grade 3 for leisure was my greatest accomplishment.

J. Job Title:  Somewhere between government employee and overpaid full-time student.

K. Kids:  At some point in the future after I have a husband. In the meantime I'm not a babies girl - I don't goo, I don't gah and I don't enjoy the fact that no other conversation takes place even if the party goes for 3 or 4 hours if a baby is present. I'll have to deal with that enough 10 years from now thanks.

L. Live: Canberra - against my will. I actually don't mind the size or the atmosphere of the country town city because I'm not a city girl but what sadist came up with out thermostat readings?

M. Mum’s name: Jenny and if you call her Jennifer on the phone she'll probably assume you are a telemarketer and hang up because she is NEVER Jennifer.

N. Nickname:  Bron/Brony/Bronnie (yes I know the last two are said the same way) however unlike my mum I will generally introduce myself as Bronwyn and let you shorten it all on your own (everybody does Bronwyn is just that kind of name).

O. Overnight hospital stay:  As a child to get my Tonsils out.

P. Pet peeve:  My biggest pet peeves is other people who have pet peeves and let other people know about them ALL THE TIME and the people who seem to be perpetually developing new pet peeves. Seriously stop letting it BUG you. This seems like a rather odd pet peeve to have - I mean do I bug myself? Short answer is yes however the long answer is that I generally reflect other peoples emotional conditions - if your happy I'm happy, if your sad well I'm hopeless and if you seem to be angry at somebody I feel like you're angry at me and I react by being angry at you.

Q. Quote from a movie:  'They come here, they all come here, how do they FIND me?' The Producers (basically he's bemoaning the fact he attracts absolute pathetic psychos). Now I don't really get how people (particularly guys) master a swag of movie quotes but I get this one in my head whenever the situation seems appropriate to it.

R. Right or left handed:  Right.

S. Siblings:  I always think to say one - my younger brother. However I'm one of those people blessed with a late-in life half-sister thanks to my dad's marriage to a much younger Indonesian woman. No seriously I love Mel she's a great little girl (if you excuse the terrible twos).

T. Time you wake up: On a working day 0550 h. On the weekend approximately 3 snoozes after my initial alarm which I set to 0730-0830 depending on how lenient I'm feeling. Yes I'm alarm obsessed. I hate feel like I've wasted the day - do you KNOW how much of your life you spend sleeping? I prefer to limit myself to 8-10 hours a night.

U. Underwear:  Plain and cream/tan/fawn/bone (I've forgotten the actual colour word I was looking for if you can't tell) in colour. Not particularly sexy however practical under white clothes.

V. Vegetables you dislike:  It actually changes a fair bit.... sometimes I can't stand cauliflower... sometimes I have to alternate brussel sprout for beans to get through eating them... but simply put I'll force myself to eat all vegetables.

W. What makes you run late:  Other people or getting caught by the 'ten minutes I can't go yet its too early I'll just.... oh now I was supposed to leave 5 minutes ago' disaster.

X. X-Rays you’ve had: Teeth, left arm (for both a broken wrist and broken finger - the finger being the coolest x-ray I can lay claim to), back (for the chiropractor) and my ankle (always glad to know its not broken).

Y. Yummy food you make: I make... you've certainly narrowed down the field there. Myself and my good friend Louise have a tradition of chocolate chip cookies whenever I return to my hometown - I reckon after 6 years we've got pretty good cookies happenin'.

Z. Zoo:  When (and ONLY when) my best friend makes me - to be perfectly honest I don't get the Zoo thing.

Now if you have stumbled upon this I'd love to hear from you. Maybe even you want to tag yourself for a spot of fun?

Justifying My Purchases

So... I don't have the abilities of the all around dedication to be one of those epic make-up bloggers... That simply could never happen. However strange things happen when I'm on holidays.

More to justify my spending of HEAPS of money than to actually achieve something I did this. I'm not a huge fan of my shadow abilities but I really love my new copper eye liner... I'm glad I don't feel like I just wasted $6.