AHHHHH!!! Sooo… Uni is suddenly SO much harder. All of a sudden it isn’t – every explained out and no lab preps and no real requirement for work outside of classes and suddenly it is – pre-labs and readings and general confusion that needs time, time and more time to be sorted out in my head. Time would be a wonderful thing… if I had any. The sad part is I know I would have time if I didn’t need to spend all of my time working at my constantly procrastination slowed pace. I’m really coming to despise the procrastination addiction. Work, work and more work doesn’t get helped by that tendency one bit.
Ok. Why is this semester SO MUCH worse than the last one? Apart from changing degree streams and thus missing some of the foundation information for one of my current classes that same class is a real believer in ‘read it’. Two text books and 10-15 pages per text book per reading isn’t much fun. Doing the readings is essential. The lecturer hasn’t got the time to get through everything in class… and yet he does have time to talk about… All forms of nothing for half an hour of the one hour lecture. Oh life is truly wonderful.
(Me choking on my workload at some point in the last week)
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So… I’ve just been through some of the worst weeks of my life… This semester is shaping up to be just fantastic (how I wish there was a stock standard way to show sarcasm in print). My brain feels like it has the consistency of mush and even now I know I should be studying the day away. I’ve already had the luxury of whiling yesterday away.. far from any of my school books… Unfortunate that that doesn’t last forever and even more unfortunate that it only really has the effect of shortening my weekend from 2 days to 1…
I don’t play any of the stock standard sports at the moment. I don’t know how but it seems as though the one sporting team I thought I was a part of has kicked me out somehow… A little bit awkward but given my newfound work load probably not all that bad in the scheme of things. However I do still belong to one team. It isn’t a sport or competitive team or anything. We are a performance team – our job is basically PR for our uni or something. That’s pretty cool really it means that we have the opportunity to travel a couple of times to… well basically… to show off. It’s good fun.
I love being part of a team. I am one of those people who loves a good sense of belonging. Probably why I choose to live on at the university and most definitely why I try to be a member of a team where I can be. Some teams are definitely better than others too. The performance team? one of my better ones :). I’m an introvert but I love being in social environments none the less so I rely on other people for the actual social interactions. I’m just a watcher. However… I’m not a big fan of other watchers who I see as being better at it than I am…
One of our team leaders… the second… is a real introvert. And yet he still makes for a great leader. He is amazingly quiet and withdrawn 90% of the time and then he stands in front of everybody and speaks up and has a confidence about him that makes me rather… I suppose the word is envious. I find it frustrating because I always link being largely introverted with my generally uncomfortable and unnatural ability to lead. To watch somebody who manages to separate one from the other. It is like looking the would be if I could be… Something to work at… Makes me wish I wasn’t the fearful person I am by nature – terrified of other people’s judgement… that’s me.
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