Never been kissed

It has been a movie title, the chorus line of multiple songs, and a big deal in any number of TV shows , books and hell even the computer game the Sims. Everybody has heard the phrase in contemporary culture 'sweet sixteen, never been kissed'. Unfortunately however the prime focus of all of those references to it are about becoming 'kissed'.

I feel rather like I missed the boat. Nobody in this day and age get through their teenage years unkissed do they? Hell, Virgins are a minority by 21 aren't they? Now I happy to be virgin but i'm depressed to be 'never been kissed'.

I feel like I'm missing something obvious. I have had guys hit on me - drunk not sober that is. Even then I haven't done the patented 'pash and dash' move. I got close, inappropriately close for a public place, to the guy i've liked for months and still no more than hands.

Unfortunately after sobering up, an apology, and the 'talk' it appears I'm to have no more luck on that front ever again... And all I wish, in a petty girlish way, is that my first kiss could have been taken care of then. That it could have been with a guy I like so genuinely. So I could stop thinking about 'never been kissed'.

Ah well, for anybody who has seen the movie 23 is the age of the character - I've got years to go. Unfortunately this is proving to be rather hard to stay positive about...

Just thinking...

Somewhere along the way I stopped being a prolific thinker. Certainly I doubt I was ever a profound thinker. Yes I realize that means abundant etc. that is exactly what it feels like - I just stopped thinking.

Perhaps it was because thinking was hard work. Perhaps it is because thinking never seems to achieve things. (because not bothering to think achieved so much more). A lot is because I came to the realization I'm not overly keen for my degree but there isn't a whole lot of options forty me at this point. Thinking -about anything - would be admitting too consciously to the procrastination that defines my life.

However as it would turn out I, as always, give up on any illusions when it gets into the study and exam period. I don't glorify myself as different or anything. We all do it. Something about the concept of having to teach yourself all the things the lecturer never bothered with its downright demotivating.

So instead I'm just sitting here and enjoying the view out my window (my computer stopped turning on this morning - as in I pressed the button and nothing happened). And thinking. About the beauty of the eucalypt outside, the simply enjoyment I get out of my long socks, the disaster which is integration, and the fact I don't enjoy stuff often enough.

Now, quite frustratingly, I can't seem to put the photos where I want them. Dumb phone. I did intend to break up the monotony with a photo if my socks.

Now I would go into depth more. There are far more deep reaching thoughts I wished to put on the internet and just become 'one of those girls' however I fear I should go back to my work - thanks to the challenge of typing on the phone (never let it be suggested that you can type as fast in touch screen as key pad neither) this took entire too long to get even this far.

Ah well hopefully you will get to see my punchline anyway. I have found the most useful use for electronics wire yet I think.